Four months passed from that day. Four difficult, for me, months. It’s hard to believe that I live without you. Me without you! Who could imagine...
Today the condition of my life remain, more or less, the same as the first days of our breakout. I chose to be alone. I don’t need anyone’s presence and I have spent many days completely alone. For example the days of August, when all Greece celebrates Panagia, I stayed locked in the house from Friday afternoon until Monday morning, when I got back to work. I did this many times. Almost every weekend! In the beginning it was rather difficult. Now I got used to it. I don’t mind.
I’ve already spent this week in the house, alone, because I was swine-flu sick. High fever is less bearable than complete loneliness. There are some days that I don’t speak even a word! Not even to the telephone!
There is only one steady situation that has never changed: you are always in my mind. Days and nights! Hours and minutes! Seconds and heart beats. You are always here...
The first months I stayed in the dark. I kept all lights off and had company the radio music. I didn’t stand it. Now I keep lights on and even I put on a light in the back room, just to show that this house isn’t empty. Someone is living in... It’s funny!
Work is getting better. In the beginning I faced great difficulties, because I didn’t find not a single patient from the area. Not a single one! Vasilis was very upset and felt guilty, because we needed any help of him, and he could not do anything. However we managed to fulfill my debts and finally his patients started to come, that’s why work is much better today. Vasilis supported me like no one else and this means that I will never forget...
I live a simple life. Like a robot which is programmed to be several ours at the office, fewer in the municipal duties and that’s all. I find shelter only at the house, always being alone, because I managed to have no home! Rarely sleeps here my son and often Vasilis visits me to keep me company. Big Vasilis! What a man!
I didn’t tell to my mother and my sister that we are no longer together. I did that because they love you and they will be hurt. My mother is still pleased and proud for your “care” to me and the house... Why should I make her unhappy? My sister told me that they phoned you about a kind of architectural advice they needed from you... I was surprised!
We are separately for four months! It’s obvious that I need more time than this to overcome all the memories, all the life I lived, all the dreams... it’s not easy...
But why am I confessing all these? To whom?
I don’t Know! Maybe because I need someone to talk to, maybe it’s the power of habit, that you were the only one that I shared my thoughts, my problems and my hopes... I don’t have anyone else to talk to... today, not even you... That's why I keep hitting the buttons on this computer...
I’m so afraid....
