The wall isn't listening...

Wall! are you listening? Are you listening to me?
Midnight is far passed hours ago and the candle light isn't alive. I can see you in the dark and I don't need my eyes. The day is yet to come and I am talking to you. Cause, there is no one else here, nowhere else I can go...
Wall! big red brick wall, my friend! Are you drunk? or am I?
Who cares!... don't give a damn to none! we are still here... and we will be together in Christmas and at new years' eve... 
Great fun we will have! Don't be afraid, don't be sentimental, life is cruel... and we are not!
We are lucky! very lucky! we are unique, there is no one else alone, like we are! And this is a privilege! One of us has not to be afraid. So don't be! Don't let fear be among us... it is just a night... just a simple night, like so many nights the past five months. We cannot celebrate... we have no reason...
Why do you cry? why you let your tears break through? I can't see you my friend wall, I can't laugh! 
I am so afraid...

Take a look at me now...

Against all odds
by Phil Collins
How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Just take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face.

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Just take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Just take a look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's a chance I've got to take.

Just take a look at me now.

I can't take my mind off you...

"The Blowers Daughter"
Damien Raice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to Leave it all behind?
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...

Δεν ξέρω κάτι πιο πολύτιμο...

Την Κυριακή ο Νίκος πετά για Κάϊρο. Απο 'κεί θα πάει στη Τζέντα για να σαλπάρει με το πλοίο Panoceanis για 8 μήνες, μέχρι και τον Ιούλιο. Χθές πήγε με την Ελενίτσα στο γραφείο του, για ν' αποχαιρετίσει και τον θείο του. Ήταν αγχωμένος. Κι ο θείος ήταν ο μόνος που μπορούσε να μαζέψει το λίγο της ψυχής του. Κι όπως προσδοκούσε, έγινε. Ο θείος ψυχανεμίστηκε τη δυσκολία της ψυχής κι  έδωσε τη λύση. Η συνείδηση του Νίκου αλάφρυνε, όχι όμως, της Ελενίτσας!

Τον κοίταζε με ικεσία! Την ικεσία της απώλειας, που έστω και προσωρινής, γίνονταν αβάστασχτη! Δυό μήνες τώρας μαζί, διακόπτονταν βίαια, επειδή ο Νικόλας πρέπει να σαλπάρει για 8 μήνες, όπως το καθήκον προστάζει... Όμως οι 8 μήνες χώρια είναι πολύ! Πώς να το αντέξει η Ελενίτσα; Κι αν κάτι συμβεί; Ο κίνδυνος, το άγνωστο, η αβεβαιότητα...

Τόν κοίταζε και τα μάτια της γιόμιζαν απόγνωση, ικεσία για ένα λόγο ψύχραιμο, στέρεο και παρηγορητικό!

Ο θείος δεν είναι θείος! Είναι παραπάνω! Είναι κριτής και καθαρό μυαλό! Θα 'πει αλήθεια, θα καθαρίσει το σκοτάδι κι ο λόγος του θα βαρύνει για τα καλά τους 8 μήνες! Θα δώσει ελπίδα σημαντική και θα είναι αλήθεια! Η Ελενίτσα περίμενε ν' ακούσει τι θα 'πει...

Την πήρε μοναχή στο δωματιάκι. Ο Νίκος κατάλαβε πως έπρεπε να περιμένει... κι είχε εμπιστοσύνη στον αδερφό της μάνας του.

-- Θα σου μιλήσω σαν άντρας! είπε της Ελενίτσας. Ξέχασε ποιός είμαι! Κι άκουσέ με σαν άντρα! ένα κοινό άνθρωπο! Ξέχασε ποιός είμαι...

Κι Ελενίτσα ύψωσε το βλέμμα της σταθερό, για ν' ακούσει τα λόγια ενός άντρα...

-- Δεν έχω τίποτα πιο πολύτιμο να σου 'πω, της δήλωσε... -- απ' αυτό που θα σου 'πω: να τον αγαπάς! και να του το δείχνεις! -- Δεν χρειάζεται τίποτα άλλο! Δεν υπάρχει τίποτε πιο δυνατό! πιότερο σημαντικό για τον Νικόλα! Μόνο να τον αγαπάς! και να του το δείχνεις! και θά 'σαι η βασίλισσά του! μονάχα αυτό χρειάζεται! Να τον αγαπάς! Κι αυτό θα τον φέρει πίσω! τίποτα άλλο! Δεν ξέρω άλλο πιο πολύτιμο απ' αυτό για ένα άντρα...

Η Ελενίτσα σφίχτηκε δυνατά στην αγκαλιά του. Κι απόμεινε  για ώρα πολύ σφιγμένη, με την αγάπη της να πλημμυρίζει το μικρό δωμάτιο. Η ψυχή της φτερούγιζε γιομάτη δάκρυα περηφάνειας, ικανοποίησης και δικαίωσης! Έτσι ακριβώς ένοιωθε για τον Νικόλα! Σήκωσε το βλέμμα της κι είδε τα δάκρυα, που είχαν κοκκινήσει τα μάτια του θείου...

Όμως δεν μπόρεσε να καταλάβει, πως τα δάκρυά του δεν ήταν για ΄κείνη και για τον Νικόλα...

Talking to this computer...

Four months passed from that day. Four difficult, for me, months. It’s hard to believe that I live without you. Me without you! Who could imagine...

Today the condition of my life remain, more or less, the same as the first days of our breakout. I chose to be alone. I don’t need anyone’s presence and I have spent many days completely alone. For example the days of August, when all Greece celebrates Panagia, I stayed locked in the house from Friday afternoon until Monday morning, when I got back to work. I did this many times. Almost every weekend! In the beginning it was rather difficult. Now I got used to it. I don’t mind. 

I’ve already spent this week in the house, alone, because I was swine-flu sick. High fever is less bearable than complete loneliness. There are some days that I don’t speak even a word! Not even to the telephone! 

There is only one steady situation that has never changed: you are always in my mind. Days and nights! Hours and minutes! Seconds and heart beats. You are always here...

The first months I stayed in the dark. I kept all lights off and had company the radio music. I didn’t stand it. Now I keep lights on and even I put on a light in the back room, just to show that this house isn’t empty. Someone is living in... It’s funny!

Work is getting better. In the beginning I faced great difficulties, because I didn’t find not a single patient from the area. Not a single one!  Vasilis was very upset and felt guilty, because we needed any help of him, and he could not do anything. However we managed to fulfill my debts and finally his patients started to come, that’s why work is much better today. Vasilis supported me like no one else and this means that I will never forget...

I live a simple life. Like a robot which is programmed to be several ours at the office, fewer in the municipal duties and that’s all. I find shelter only at the house, always being alone, because I managed to have no home! Rarely sleeps here my son and often Vasilis visits me to keep me company. Big Vasilis! What a man!

I didn’t tell to my mother and my sister that we are no longer together. I did that because they love you and they will be hurt. My mother is still pleased and proud for your “care” to me and the house... Why should I make her unhappy? My sister told me that they phoned you about a kind of architectural advice they needed from you... I was surprised! 

We are separately for four months! It’s obvious that I need more time than this to overcome all the memories, all the life I lived, all the dreams... it’s not easy...

But why am I confessing all these? To whom? 

I don’t Know! Maybe because I need someone to talk to, maybe it’s the power of habit, that you were the only one that I shared my thoughts, my problems and my hopes... I don’t have anyone else to talk to... today, not even you... That's why I keep hitting the buttons on this computer...

I’m so afraid....